How Could You
by Throttled
Summary: *FINISHED* 'I'm going to kill her...' Blinded by her hatred for Tomoyo and Syaoran. Sakura tried to commit murder. But it wasn't as easy as she planned. Something had gone terribly wrong... And the result was one she had never expected... S+S, I promise.
1. The Reason

Ok! This is my 3rd ficcie. So plz plz plz review!!! and it's my 1st angst ficcie 2. ^_^  
  
'......' speech.  
  
[......] thoughts  
  
  
  
How Could You......  
  
Chapter 1  
  
THE REASON  
  
  
  
A GIRL'S POV  
  
I hate him. I really do. I hate him for making me feel this way. I hate him for his gorgeous looks. I hate him for the things he does to me. And I hate, hate, HATE him because I still love him, even after ...... what he did!  
  
It's now three months since he dumped me for that bitch. That stupid traitor, and ...... my so called best friend, Tomoyo.  
  
I bet you have heard of *The Chicks*, if you have, then you would know Tomoyo and her best friend Sakura Kinomoto, who is me. We WERE popular, we WERE inseparable and we WERE best friends.  
  
It's amazing how friendships can go down faster than you can say 'hold on a minute'. Three months ago, I was happy, cheerful and grateful for everything life has to offer. I mean, I'm attractive, a tiny bit slow but I also realised not so long ago, I am more stupid than the word stupid itself. I can not believe out of all the people, I just have to fall in love with a selfish, ignorant, good looking but hurtful bastard like Syaoran Li.  
  
I hate him. I hate everything about him. I want to strangle his neck. I want to see him suffer the way I did. I want him to watch as I kill Tomoyo, his love......  
  
That's right, KILL!!! I wasn't exaggerating, I'm going to kill Tomoyo Daidouji. And I'm going to make Syaoran watch the whole thing. And then, maybe he'll know what it feels like to lose the one you love the most.  
  
I changed a lot, most people would say. I changed from a reasonably pretty young girl with a armful of dreams to a stunning teenager with only one thing on mind.  
  
Revenge!!!  
  
Oh! Revenge is just so sweet, as the well-known saying says. And now, I'm going to get a taste of it.  
  
I have already planned out what I'm going to do. And in less than a week, Tomoyo Daidouji would be only remembered as the girl who was murdered by her best friend, who she betrayed.  
  
And Syaoran? Hmph! He will just have to live with it. He will just have to live with the pain I went through and let's see how he like it.  
  
The pain ...... the pain he made for me......  
  
  
  
FLASHBACK  
  
(three months ago)  
  
I walked down the street and into my loving boyfriend - Syaoran's apartment. But I was not prepared for what I am going to see.  
  
Syaoran gave me an extra key in case I left anything at his apartment when he's not there. I brought his favourite dinner and slided silently through the doors, hoping to surprise him...  
  
But ironically, it was him who surprised me. As I sneaked into his bedroom ready to startle him with a jump, but I was totally blown by what I saw.  
  
There in his bed, was him and ...... Tomoyo. And they were ... kissing. [At least they still have their clothes on!] a tiny part of my subconscious mind murmured as I stood in complete shock.  
  
[How could they!!! My boyfriend and best friend. The two people I trust more than anyone in the world!!! And they betrayed me!] I mentally yelled. Water began to fill my eyes, they blurred my vision. And then, CRASH!!! The basket which carried the dinner I brought for Syaoran dropped onto the hard concrete floor. The plates within broke into millions of pieces, just like my heart.  
  
This diverted their attention from their make-out session. They both turned around in one swift motion and their mouths formed the word 'oh!'.  
  
I stared at Syaoran in particular. The watery liquid that filled my eyes earlier was now sliding down my cheeks and fell onto the floor with the broken plates.  
  
I felt hurt and ...... pain. Pain beyond imagination. The kind that is incurable, and which is deep with you, it is in my heart and for a minute, I almost thought I had no heart.  
  
I turned my gaze to Tomoyo, since Syaoran doesn't seemed to move. Tomoyo was stunned, and her eyes held such worry. [Probably worries for herself when I tell the whole school about them. Selfish bitch!] I thought with anger and hurt.  
  
It was Syaoran who actually broke the silence. 'Sakura, please! It's not what it seems!' So, it's one of those *it's not what it seems lines again.* god, how stupid do they think I am!  
  
'Oh yeah? Then what is it! Does everyone walk into their boyfriend's room and find him with their best friend kissing? I don't think so!' I shouted angrily to cover up my pain. I can't let him see me as a weakling.  
  
'I thought I could trust you! Both of you!' I added as I focused on Tomoyo suddenly, she gave a whimper and shrank into the quilt. 'But I guess I was wrong. Terribly wrong! You are just a selfish bitch and a hurtful bastard' I practically yelled as I lost my sanity. I grabbed the cherry blossom necklace Syaoran gave me for our 1st anniversary and pulled. The chain snapped and it came off. I thrust it to Syaoran before adding spitefully 'I hope you're very happy.'  
  
And then I left. I turned my heels and ran out of the door before either of them could say another word.  
  
They never heard me burst into tears once I got home, or the sound of my heart shattering.  
  
END FLASHBACK  
  
  
  
I shook my head vigorously as I tried to block out that painful memory. [That was then and this is now!] for now, I have to concentrate on the plan and how to lure them in.  
  
Syaoran! In a week, you'll be sorry you have ever known a person called Sakura Kinomoto......  
  
  
  
A/N HOW WAS THAT??? Plz plz review, my 1st angst fic. Review as much as you can plz. Bye O_o 


	2. And So It Begins

Well, guys here is chappie 2!!!  
  
  
  
Syaoran! In a week, you'll be sorry you have ever known a person called Sakura Kinomoto......  
  
  
  
Chapter 2  
  
AND SO IT BEGINS  
  
  
  
SAKURA'S POV  
  
Today's the day......  
  
The day Tomoyo ...... dies...  
  
Hahahahahaha! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  
  
  
  
NORMAL POV  
  
(Kinomoto residence)  
  
It was 8:00 in the morning.  
  
Sakura looked up from the note she was writing, smugly pleased. [Today's the day, Syaoran. The day you pay for everything you did to me!]  
  
It was stormy that day, perfect for the event that was going to happen......  
  
Sakura looked around her room. The bright pink walls were now covered with photos of Tomoyo and Syaoran ...... smudged. The once clean and tidy bedroom was now covered in mud, the soft and velvety carpet was now buried under stacks of dirty clothes. [I have changed!] Sakura thought amusingly, [from a naïve stupid little thing into a mature, sexy and bad girl. I guess life isn't that bad!] Sakura inwardly smirked to herself. [Man! This has gotta be the best day ever. I can hardly wait to get started!]  
  
Still thinking about the plan, Sakura walked out of her untidy bedroom and into the bathroom. After fifteen minutes, Sakura came out with her long curled hair in a bun and a towel wrapped around her chest, covering her body.  
  
After the quick shower, Sakura walked up to her wardrobe and wondered, [hmmmmm ...... today is a special day, so I've got to wear something that would be memorable.] As she flipped through her clothes, she mutter inaudibly, 'god all these clothes are too bright and ... eurgh ... cheerful - wait! What's this?' she stopped as she found a slinky black outfit in front of her. [Hmmmmmm ...... not bad! Wait what's this label? *Chicks Rule*? Then that could only mean ...... Tomoyo made them! Eurgh, please they're horrible! God, why did I even put them in my wardrobe? Oh well, since it's her deathday, might as well put on something she'd like!]  
  
Sakura put the outfit on, which was actually a black spaghetti strap top and a shimmery silk trousers which flared at the bottom. [You've got to admit, it doesn't look half bad on you, Sakura! Who'd have thought that the bitch would actually have enough brains to make a not bad looking thing like this!] Sakura mentally conversed with herself.  
  
[Right! Now the make-up!] Tomoyo once told Sakura how to apply make-up and make it look like you've got nothing on. [Ok! So first the eye-shadow ... then the mascara ... oops that's a bit too much ... there that's better! Right, now all I have to do is to wait for it to dry!]  
  
Ten minutes later, the mascara dried and Sakura continued to apply her blush and then she used the concealer to finish it off. Sakura then tied her long auburn curls into a half-ponytail. She deliberately left two strands hanging down, they framed her perfect, flawless face.  
  
[Now to add the finishing touches!] Sakura dipped the nail-polish brush into the bottle and took it out. She daintily covered her nails in glorious black polish. After half an hour of preparation, she was finally ready.  
  
She gazed into her full-length mirror. An eerily stunning girl with emotionless, cold emerald eyes that used to hold such happiness and passion stared back at her. [Not bad, kid!] She then half-glanced at her watch, and was suddenly aware of the time. [Holy shit, I'm going to be late!] She raced out of her bedroom and down the stairs where her brother and father were sipping cups of coffee. Without even the slightest kind of greeting, Sakura glanced at them and calmly strode out of the front door.  
  
'Sakura, your breakf-' Sakura's father, Fujitaka said before the slam of the door was heard. He shook his head sadly and asked no one in particular, 'what have I done wrong? Am I a bad father?'  
  
'Of course you're not dad! It's just that Sakura is upset about something. She'll get over it.' Touya, Sakura's big brother was concerned about Sakura as well. [well, I certainly hope she will!]  
  
'That's the problem, Touya, I don't think she will get over it. Have you noticed the way she acted? It's getting worse. When she came home crying three months ago, she was upset but now ......'  
  
'I know, I know! She changed!' Touya said before adding in his head, [a lot!]  
  
'But now, she's just not like her anymore. It's like she's a completely different person. Sometimes, I even wonder if the Sakura we know right now is the real Sakura?' Fujitaka said in a sad and almost hopeless tone as he leaned over and patted his son on the shoulder. 'I hope you'll right about Sakura getting over whatever is upsetting her, Touya! I really do......'  
  
  
  
[Right! First thing's first! I must go to Syaoran's apartment.] Sakura ran until she reached Syaoran's apartment. The painful memory of what happened the last time that she was here was still clear in her head. [No! I will not remember that! I will not let my emotions get the better of me!] She said angrily to her heart, which was thumping furiously as if it wants to just jump out of her body, and into Syaoran's bedroom.  
  
She quickly slotted the note she wrote that morning into the letter hole. Her eyes were funny, no matter what the mind told them to do, they couldn't help but sneak a glance through the transparent window and into the living room.  
  
[Still the same, I see.] Sakura thought as she made her way out of the building.  
  
[Ok! Next stop, Tomoyo the bitch's house!] Sakura walked for 10 until Tomoyo's HUGE mansion appeared in front of her. [Man! I wonder what she'll say when she sees me? Fucking bitch, why do I care?]  
  
Sakura walked through the beautiful front garden and pressed the doorbell. Seconds later, a short red-haired woman with amethyst eyes popped out of the door and greeted Sakura with a BIG hug.  
  
'Sakura! What a surprise! I suppose you want to speak to Tomoyo. Well, she's upstairs in her room. Oh and can you cheer her up, something seems to be troubling her.' Sonomi, Tomoyo's mother frowned as she remembered the tears her daughter shed for the last three months.  
  
'Hmmmmmm ... sure Mrs Daidouji. But I'm really here to take Tomoyo to a place ... errrrr ... to cheer her up!' Sakura plastered a smile on her face and lied.  
  
'Oh, thank you so much, Sakura! You know, you reminds me so much of your mother, always there when people needed you. She'll be so proud of you if she can see you now.' Sonomi's lips quirked upwards as she recalled the memories of Sakura's mother, Nadashiko.  
  
'Errrrrrrrrrr ... yeah, I'm sure she will...' Sakura's spirit died as she remembered her mother and how disappointed she'll be if she finds out her only daughter was going to murder someone.  
  
To avoid any more conscience talk, Sakura quietly made her way up the stairs and to Tomoyo's room. She hesitated just outside the door and took a deep breath. [This is it, do it Sakura!] And knocked.  
  
*Knock, knock, knock*  
  
The door opened after a minutes to reveal nothing but a dark haired and amethyst eyed girl named......  
  
Tomoyo Daidouji!!!  
  
  
  
A/N I no! I no! It's so lame. But I couldn't think of anything to write and anyway, the real plot is coming up so keep reading. Oh and those flames I got ...... well, I think they're really funny. 


	3. Reunions Aren't Always A Good Thing

Chappie 3 is here, guys. Hehe! Thanx 4 the reviews. O_o  
  
  
  
The door opened after a minutes to reveal nothing but a dark haired and amethyst eyed girl named..  
  
Tomoyo Daidouji!!!  
  
  
  
Chapter 3  
  
REUNIONS AREN'T ALWAYS A GOOD THING  
  
  
  
NORMAL POV  
  
The two girls stared at each other with astonishment and agony.  
  
The once cheerful attract Tomoyo was now pale as a ghost. She had two huge black rings under her eyes, which seemed to have lost their sparkle. Tomoyo looked a wreck! And even though Sakura didn't want to admit it, she felt awful looking at Tomoyo when she was like this.  
  
[Sakura? What is she doing here?] Tomoyo wondered as she stared at her OLD best friend. 'Sa-Sa-Sakura?'  
  
Sakura was now over her shock and blinked. 'Yeah, Tomoyo, it's me,' she said coolly as if nothing had happened, but she added spitefully in her head [or do you not even recognise your once best friend!!!]  
  
'Oh, Sakura! I am so glad you're talking to me again. I thought . I thought you hated me!' Tomoyo exclaimed with relieve and happiness.  
  
[Hmph! Who said I DON'T hate you. Oh well, for the sake of this plan, I guess I'll just pretend I love you.] 'Er, yeah! Well, I was just angry and anyway, I've gotten much better without HIM!' Sakura smiled painfully and emphasised HIM.  
  
'Really, Sakura! Oh, that's so great! We can all be together again like we used to be. And we'll all be so so happy!!!' For the first time in three months, the bright sparkle returned to Tomoyo's eyes as she remembered their old pals, their gang.  
  
'Yeah, I'm sure it will.' [Yeah right, the day that will come would be the day that pigs can fly.]  
  
'Anyway, I was really here to ask you, do you want to go to this really cool ancient building? I heard that it's really fun. So what do you say? Hmmm?' Sakura asked already knowing the answer.  
  
'Of course I will, Sakura. I will go anywhere with you from now on. Hehe! Hold on, I'm gonna change.' Tomoyo giggled like a schoolgirl again as she invited Sakura to come in and changed.  
  
Ten minutes later, Tomoyo came out of her bathroom (A/N she's got a private bathroom in her room. Soz, I forgot to tell you. ^_^), giggling with Sakura as they shared their jokes about boys and teachers. For a moment there, Sakura was actually thinking about giving up this plan but then she decided against it. [No! You can't let her get away with what she have done. She deserves it. She deserves what she's gonna get!!!]  
  
As they were walking towards their destination, Tomoyo asked Sakura a serious question.  
  
'Sakura, are you really completely over Syaoran?' Tomoyo questioned, still a bit suspicious.  
  
PANG! A knife ripped through Sakura's heart just by hearing his name. She looked away and breathed deeply, then looked back again, eyes held no emotions what's so ever. 'Oh, don't worry about that Tomoyo, I am ssssssssssooooooooo over him. I figured I never loved him in the first place, and the whole thing was just a crush, you know, puppy love.' Sakura smiled again before changing the subject to the weather instead.  
  
They talked and walked till they reached the ancient old building Sakura mentioned. 'Well, what are we waiting for? Let's go in!' said a excited Sakura as she ran into the building.  
  
'Sakura! Wait up!' Tomoyo's faraway voice called out as she ran to catch up with Sakura.  
  
Hearing this, Sakura smirked evilly. [Now Tomoyo, you will get a taste of the pain I went through] Sakura then checked her watch, and muttered quietly, 'where is that bastard, he should be here by now.'  
  
'Who should be here by now, Sakura?'  
  
'HUH! Oh it's you Tomoyo, you gave me a scare, please don't ever do that again.' Sakura rambled on about how Tomoyo must learn to not scare people.  
  
'Sakura, you still haven't answered my question. Who is coming?' Tomoyo cut in as Sakura tried to regain her breath.  
  
'Oh, well, that's . um . that would be the - the - THE GUIDE! Yeah, I hired a guide to show us around this place. Hehehe!' Sakura scratched the back of her head as she tried to cover up the mistake.  
  
'Yeah . sure.' Tomoyo stared at Sakura unconvincingly.  
  
'Anyway,' Sakura cleared her throat. 'What do you think of this place?' using her hands, she gestured around the huge, battered room.  
  
'Well, to be honest, Sakura! I don't really get why you got me here. I mean this place is way older than ANCIENT. And I don't really see any art or sculptures.' Tomoyo answered truthfully.  
  
[Oh no! Sakura, think of something to say fast. She's catching on!] 'Errrrr . well, it's suppose to be a wrecked house from the 1890's and I thought it'll be interesting to know what it looks like.' [You dumb girl, who would fall for that. *Wrecked house from the 1890's* man, who do you take Tomoyo for. I mean sure she's a good-for-nothing bitch, but she's not dumb you know.]  
  
Luckily, a loud crash was heard at the entrance of the building. And as Sakura turned around to face the visitor who just dropped by. She secretly hoped that it was HIM, but at the same time hoped that it wasn't.  
  
When she did turn all the way round and looked. She felt yet another knife ripping her heart, but the pain didn't stop this time as she stared at the familiar face.  
  
It was Syaoran Li.  
  
And so the plan began..  
  
  
  
A/N haha, I luv leaving u with cliffhangers don't I! Sorry, that wasn't funny -_-. Anyway, since this is a really short chapter, I'm gonna try to rite a longer chappie next time. Cya "-" 


	4. You Betrayed My Love

Ok, chaps, here is chappie 2 ^o^. (It is supposed to be a joke!!!)  
  
  
  
When she did turn all the way round and looked. She felt yet another knife ripping her heart, but the pain didn't stop this time as she stared at the familiar face.  
  
It was Syaoran Li.  
  
And so the plan began..  
  
  
  
Chapter 4  
  
YOU BETRAYED MY LOVE  
  
  
  
SYAORAN'S POV  
  
It was Saturday, I woke up due to the sunshine through my window. I yawned as I stood up, walking unsteadily to the bathroom. As I reached the bathroom door, I felt a wave of dizziness run through my body, causing me to stumble several steps back. I shook my head trying to get the headache out, but unluckily, it didn't work.  
  
[Maybe some cold water will get this fucking pain away!] I thought as I wandered into the bathroom. I looked around the room trying to find my towel, after a few minutes of searching, I found the forest green cloth under stacks of dirty boxers and socks. I fidgeted with the cold water tap, trying to get some water out when suddenly, a whole gush of water came out and splattered onto my pyjamas top. [Oh, errrrrr ... cold!] I thought as the cold water soaked through my top and contacted my skin. But it did wake my up a bit.  
  
I draped my towel onto the tap, blocking out the gushing of water, and plugged the plug in. Then, without a second thought, I plunged my head under the water and shuddered involuntarily. [Man, this is freezing!] I stayed in the water for a few minutes and resurfaced with water dripping down my face and onto the cold tiled floor.  
  
For the first time that week, I looked into the mirror and was taken back by what I saw. [Flipping hell! Is that me?!?!] I thought with astonishment as I continued staring at my reflection. I looked nothing like me, the chestnut unruly hair I used to grow was flopping in a dead kind of way, almost as if it lost it's energy, not that it did have any. My skin was white, and I mean literally white. It looked like the skin of a vampire, all waxy and almost translucent. My body looked like a wreck. I looked so thin you'd think I haven't eaten anything in three days. Then I reminded myself, I didn't.  
  
But what really rooted to the spot were my eyes ...... they looked nothing like the ones I remembered. These ones are cold and gloomy, almost dead in some ways. They reminded me nothing of my joyful, enthusiastic and sparkling amber orbs. The skin surrounded them was swollen and red, two black rings seemed to be dragging my eyes down, making them look tiresome and miserable.  
  
[But isn't that true?] I asked myself, as I stopped the tap and dried my face with the towel. Not even realising that the towel is wet. [I'm not exactly what you call cheerful looking, am I? And I didn't eat in the last three days because I was drinking a lot! But why though? I really can't remember.] Before I even had time to think, the sound of the letterbox closing reached my ears. I stepped outside the bathroom and saw a lock of auburn hair vanishing from my door window.  
  
[Sakura? Could it be her?] But it couldn't be, Sakura hates me. And my point was proofed by the fact she declared her undying hatred for me in front of the whole school the day she found out my affair with Tomoyo.  
  
(A/N ok, be warned cos this is gonna be really long)  
  
Tomoyo, the beautiful and intelligent goddess who made me leave her best friend. I couldn't help it, no one could help but falling in love with Tomoyo the perfectionist. She was perfect in every way, with her sleek dark locks, flirtatious amethyst jewels and fully blossomed shapely body, it was hard not to love someone like her.  
  
But there's also her best friend, Sakura! The girl who also stole my heart, them two were like twins, not identical but beautiful in their own unique way. Sakura had glorious auburn locks all the way down her back, curled at the very end. Her seductive emerald gems were like a endless pit, you can drown in them forever and ever. She was also born with a curvy body, with a well-developed chest and long smooth legs. She was irrisistable.  
  
Many people call me lucky, when I ask why do they think that, they just raise their eyebrows and give a look that clearly states, 'do I even need to say why?' True, they don't. They believe I'm lucky to have two charming and sexy girls who both love me. But it's actually a bad thing! For Christ's sake, they are best friends! And even though I can love both of them, which I do, I cannot be IN love with both of them. It just won't work that way. And in the end I chose Tomoyo over Sakura.  
  
I hate myself for doing so, it's not that I don't care for Sakura, I love her. I'm just not in love with her. I did once, that actually lasted five years. And when we got together, which was in Year 8, I was over the moon. But what happened then was a tragedy.  
  
Tomoyo grew more and more beautiful over the years, as so did Sakura. They both earned the well deserved position as the Mrs Populars in our High School and named themselves *The Chicks*! Everything was going so well in the three years that followed. I, Syaoran Li became the most popular and most hot (as many would say) guy in the whole school and usually get 100 Valentines card on Valentines Day. But it was also then, everything started to go downhill......  
  
Tomoyo started to act all shy and flirtatious around me. At first I thought it was a joke, but then I realised I was enjoying them and was actually responding to those signals. I couldn't help it, she was so beautiful and my body aches for her. In the end, I knew I couldn't carry on and decided to announce my crush to Tomoyo. But I never expected was that she feels the same way. And ever since then, we've been going out secretly and meeting in the corridors and stuff, basically, doing things that was forbidden behind Sakura's (who was my current girlfriend) back.  
  
She urged me to tell Sakura, who was still oblivious to the affair. Tomoyo said that even though she stole her best friend's boyfriend, Sakura loved me more than anyone in the world and would be devastated if she ever finds out about us.  
  
I tried to tell Sakura, but I just couldn't. I know I didn't just have a crush a Tomoyo anymore, I love her and she loves me. But I still care for Sakura and I hate to see what she would do if she ever finds out the reason of why I dumped her.  
  
But it turned out that she found out anyway, and it wasn't pleasant. She caught Tomoyo and I making out on my bed (we weren't doing anything of THAT sort though), and got extremely mad. As she blew her anger at me, I noticed the hurt and betrayal in her eyes.  
  
[Eyes can never lie!] I couldn't stare into her eyes, it's bad enough having her telling me how much she hates me right in my face. But looking into her eyes was something different, I couldn't stare into her eyes because I'm scared that what she said about hating me is true. I know she hates me already but the prospect of confirming it was unthinkable. It was simply unbearable as I later found out.  
  
She came to school the next day dressed in her goth costume which she normally wears for Halloween parties. As she walked past me into the playground, she stared at Tomoyo and I (Tomoyo was in my arms crying because she lost her best friend) with pure hatred and venom that froze my body with self-hatred and sadness. Then she smirked, which could only mean one thing. She's going to humiliate us. I know she was.  
  
And she did, she shouted for the attention of all the students in the playground and yelled those painful words which I will never forget......  
  
'Syaoran Li is a son of bitch and Tomoyo is a whore, I found them snogging on the bed yesterday. God knows what they would have done if I didn't interrupt them.' Then she put on a sickening sweet voice which was so unlike her own and squealed, 'Oh! Syaoran, would you like to see me naked, I'm sure that I'll be better than that Kinomoto girl! I mean, hello! Can you believe she's still a virgin?!?!'  
  
The whole school stared at her with shock, sympathy and some even looked hopeful. And without warning, everyone turned their heads towards Tomoyo and me, looking at us as if we were street vermin. Tomoyo gave a choked cry and broke away from me, covering her face in shame and humiliation, she ran out of school and out of site. I looked at Sakura who looked VERY smug and dashed after Tomoyo before catching the words......  
  
'I loved you, but you betrayed my love. You're going to pay for it someday, Syaoran, you are going to pay......'  
  
Tears streamed down my face as I caught up with Tomoyo, who was crying her eyes out on the side of the pavement. Together, we stayed there for approximately half and hour and then, deciding it wouldn't be a good idea to go back, we went home.  
  
I never really got what she meant by me paying for what I have done, because she never did do anything after that announcement. In fact, most of the people in the school have forgotten about what happened, and people acted normal to us again.  
  
Anyway, back to my apartment. I had picked up the letter and was surprised to see the word, *Syaoran* on it. I don't usually get mail and when I do, it's usually bills. Surprised and anxious to find what the letter, no! Note says, I opened it and read:  
  
Hi, Syaoran,  
  
Guess who?!?! HAHA! You don't remember me? Awwwwwww, I'm offended Syaoran, how can you forget me? Or is it because you can't get your mind off Tomoyo that you've forgotten her best friend.  
  
[SAKURA!!! It's her, but why would she write a note to me for?]  
  
That's right, silly, it's me. Your so-called One And Only. You don't honestly think that I've forgotten that I've forgotten your WHOLE affair with Tomoyo, do you? Cos I haven't, remember I told you, you'd have to pay me back for what you have done?! Well ... ummm ... oh I can't ruin the surprise. Why don't you go to the old building site you and I found around 10am. Oh, and if you don't ... well, let's just say you won't see the thing you love most in the world ever again. Ok, that's all I've got to say. Bye, Syaoran and don't forget to be prepared!!!  
  
Yours in waiting,  
  
Sakura Kinomoto  
  
Xxx  
  
[Oh god, what is she going to do?] I thought frantically as I tried to get my trousers the right way round.  
  
One things certain, whatever she's going to do, I know I'm not going to like it......  
  
  
  
A/N wow, that is the longest chapter I've ever rote and wow, it took me 2 and a quarter hours. Man, this is getting to me, I really want to rite sumthin good but I'm not getting a lot of reviews. Ok, I'm gonna wait till I get at least 35 reviews till I publish the next chapter. Ok cya!!! 


	5. The Twist

OK, this is when the plan ACTUALLY BEGINS, as in what was gonna happen IN the plan. Sry I no I told u I'd rite the plan aagggeeeess ago but hey, I didn't find the right point to write it.  
  
I couldn't wait until I got 35 reviews (which I never got -_-) so I thought I might as well rite this. ^-^  
  
  
  
One thing's certain, whatever she's going to do, I know I'm not going to like it......  
  
  
  
Chapter 5  
  
THE TWIST  
  
  
  
SYAORAN'S POV  
  
I rushed like hell towards the "old building site". Sakura and I found it on our 1st anniversary when we were roaming around town.  
  
It was a VERY old building that's made completely out of wood. There were many gaps on the floors and holes in the ceilings. I honestly didn't understand why Sakura chose that place for whatever she was gonna do.  
  
Then I remembered, [of course, because it is so old, no one ever goes there anymore. And ... oh, flipping hell! Its area is COMPLETELY deserted, in fact I don't think anyone has been there for over 50 years!!! That means, no matter what she's gonna do ... no one will be able to stop her!!!]  
  
It all started to make sense now. Sakura took Tomoyo there and she'll be waiting for me to show up and - and ... [bloody, fucking shit! What the hell is she gonna do?]  
  
I didn't really want to think about it. Knowing the Sakura nowadays, the possibilities could be many.  
  
I ran and ran like there was no tomorrow, which probably was true. I knew I was already late, it was already 10:00am. But I knew that Sakura wouldn't begin her revenge until I'm there.  
  
I knew for a fact she didn't want to kill me, and that she didn't want to destroy me physically. But I knew that she was going to make me suffer, she wants me to feel the pain and hurt. She wants me to be emotionally broken. And the only way to do that is to use the person I love the most who was......  
  
Tomoyo!  
  
The realisation struck me so suddenly that I almost ran into a truck. I must get there quickly, I must hurry or - or Tomoyo might get hurt! [She'll get hurt? Is that what you really think?] I knew the answer was no. I knew Sakura too well to think that hurting Tomoyo was on her mind. She didn't hate Tomoyo. She LOATHED her.  
  
What's the difference? You might ask. Well, hate only means that one does not like another greatly, but may not want him/her to be dead. But loath?! Loath is a completely different matter......  
  
Loath is a combination of extreme hatred and outmost envy.  
  
Sakura envied Tomoyo. She also hated Tomoyo. But all this was caused by one person......  
  
Me!  
  
You could say that I was being unfair to Sakura. She did claim me first after all. She was the first person I have ever kissed (passionately), she was the first person I have ever loved. But she was also the first person I have ever betrayed and hurted.  
  
If I could go back in time and change the past, I would. But the reality was that I can't and the only way to solve this was to face it, to fight it.  
  
I have reached the building site now. And I could hear the chattering of two teenage girls. I took a deep breath and stepped into the building. The first sight that greeted me was the figures of two young females. I knew who they were instantly.  
  
Sakura and Tomoyo!  
  
Sakura's back was facing me and Tomoyo was staring around the place with sheer curiosity.  
  
Sakura was wearing a very unusual outfit. It was completely black, very unlike her usual bright cheerful colours. [But then again] I reminded myself, [nothing is the same now...]  
  
I took a step forward and accidentally kicked a dustbin, knocking it over. The contents spilled out and the rattling echoed in the empty hall.  
  
This grabbed the two girls' attentions, Tomoyo merely stared at me in surprise and wonder, while Sakura......  
  
Sakura stared at me with hatred and disgust.  
  
The look she gave me made me back a step. And made me shudder involuntarily.  
  
This could never be the Sakura I knew.  
  
I have NEVER seen her like this, the anger she had towards me was at its highest peak. It hurted me like hell just to see her like this.  
  
Then, out of the blue, she smirked and pulled something from her trousers pocket (A/N I didn't tell you she brought something cos it will ruin the plot, sorry!). It glinted in the morning sun.  
  
A knife!  
  
Sakura brought a knife! I knew what she was going to do next. But before I could open my mouth, she darted towards Tomoyo who was still too shocked to move, and pressed the blade to Tomoyo's throat. While her left hand was wrapped around Tomoyo's neck holding the knife, her right arm pinned Tomoyo's two hands together, making her unable to escape or attack back. Sakura, who was much more stronger than Tomoyo due to her swimming and gymnastic trainings, found all this very easy.  
  
Tomoyo's eyes widened, and she whimpered shakily, 'Sakura, wha - wha - what are you doing? Listen, if this is some kind of - of joke, I - I - I'm not finding it ve -ve - very funny, ok?'  
  
Sakura gave a cold laugh, her emerald eyes blazed with triumph and enjoyment. She liked this. She liked Tomoyo begging her.  
  
Sakura pressed the knife deeper into Tomoyo's throat, a tiny trickle of blood flowed out, and slid down the knife like a lost teardrop.  
  
'You think this is funny? Do you? You think it's funny you betrayed me and stole my boyfriend! After all these years of knowing you, I have never thought you could sink so low.' Sakura snarled angrily, then she twisted Tomoyo's hands, making Tomoyo scream out in agony. She then continued, 'of course, it's not all your fault, it's HIS too!' Sakura's eyes turned to me as she spat out the words.  
  
I was literally rooted to the spot, I couldn't think or move.  
  
'You know, I was an idiot thinking you're the one I will spent my whole life with. I was an idiot having trusted you. And I was a the world's biggest blasted idiot for believing there was such a thing as love!!!' Sakura half-shouted, her auburn bangs fell out of the half-ponytail she had on. They framed her fuming face perfectly.  
  
My vision blurred, I knew I had hurted her. But I never knew I had to this extent. Now I REALLY hate myself. [I'm sorry...] A few unwanted tears dripped down my cheeks.  
  
They meant nothing though.  
  
Sakura's eyes swelled up too. Hot warm liquid flowed out of her eyes unwillingly as she gripped the knife harder. She was losing her body control. I knew it, yet all I thought about was protecting Tomoyo.  
  
Suddenly, an important fact hit me. Sakura still loved me! I couldn't believe I had forgotten it during the struggle. She loved me, and that's why she's doing all this, she wanted to punish me, to see me suffer. But that doesn't mean she doesn't love me, she just love me too much to see me with anyone else.  
  
I felt sick.  
  
Being the quick-thinker I always was. I came up with a plan of how to rescue Tomoyo. I knew this will be unfair to Sakura, it will probably make her unable to ever love and trust again. But I had to do it, it's my only chance of saving Tomoyo.  
  
I'm a bastard. I agreed whole-heartedly to that, it's a fact. I ruined someone's life. I made her suffer. I just used her...  
  
With the plan fresh on my mind, I walked cautiously towards Sakura and Tomoyo. Sakura's eyes widened and she paled, I knew whatever she was expecting, it wasn't this. She backed a little, still staring at me with shock and uncertainty.  
  
I emptied my face with anything that showed emotion. As I got closer, Sakura paled even more. Tomoyo was already unconscious, probably the fright was too much for her. She wasn't determined and strong like her best friend.  
  
I halted just in front of Sakura. She was still holding onto Tomoyo's neck, but loosely. Since I was taller than her, she stared up at me with something close to fright. She was scared, I could tell. She didn't know how to react around me.  
  
I inhaled a deep breath, and smelt flowers. I smelt the scent that Sakura always carried, I smiled inwardly as I thought [at least she didn't change her odour.]  
  
We were very close now. Sakura was still staring at me like a small child, shaking beyond terror. Beyond fear.  
  
I leaned in very slowly, careful not to make the action too deliberate. And closed my eyes gently, catching the tiniest glimpse of her old passionate eyes. The last thing I thought was [her eyes ... emerald ... was ...what ... made me ... fell ... love ... her!]  
  
The gap between our faces shortened as our lips brushed and......  
  
I kissed her...  
  
  
  
A/N OK, this chappie is just WAY too weird but hey, don't hesitate and tell me wat u think. Hehe. Thanks to those who read and reviewed, I loved everyone of them. Cya. 


	6. How Could You

Ok, this might b the last chapter or it might not be. Depends on whether u review or not. I might rite a sequel, dunno wat I will rite tho. So if u hav any gud ideas feel free to either email me or just put it in the reviews. I luv them all!!! == ^________^ ==  
  
Oh and I'm not gonna use [......] for thoughts anymore. dunno why I don't want to tho.  
  
  
  
The gap between our faces shortened as our lips brushed and......  
  
I kissed her...  
  
  
  
Chapter 6  
  
HOW COULD YOU  
  
  
  
SAKURA'S POV  
  
I watched as his face closed in on mine. His brilliant amber eyes shone for a slight moment of what seemed like pity and regret, but then they closed. I just stood there, paralysed by both fear and excitement. Which one was stronger than the other? I couldn't tell.  
  
My body trembled when I felt his soft breath brushing against my pale cheeks. Slowly yet steadily, those lips I have longed for what seemed like eternity parted and pulled towards mine.  
  
My breaths became short and ragged. I watched as he leaned in till there was almost no gap between us.  
  
I knew what was going to happen, this was just too familiar. The arms that were embracing me now placed themselves securely on my waist. Locks of autumn scented hair obstructed my vision.  
  
He was going to kiss me. I knew that, but I didn't pull away.  
  
I was experiencing various feelings, many of which I could not place.  
  
Fear, confusion, curiosity and others. But the one that really stuck out was...  
  
Love...  
  
That was what really rooted me to the spot. As much as I hated that word, and its effect on me. I couldn't run away from it. I couldn't honestly say I didn't feel that way and most importantly. I couldn't deny the truth.  
  
I lied. I lied to Syaoran. I lied to Tomoyo. I even lied to myself. But even if my body and soul believed my lies. My heart didn't. I couldn't lie to my heart. No matter how hard I tried. It's the one thing that I could deny the truth from.  
  
I parted my lips and closed my eyes. I couldn't stop myself. I just couldn't...  
  
I wish I did though...  
  
For the effect it had on me was amazing. Indescribable.  
  
Syaoran's soft lips touched mine gently. Then they pressed deeper into mine. And deeper and deeper......  
  
Mint...  
  
Chocolate...  
  
Ice cream...  
  
That was what Syaoran's lips tasted like. Mint, chocolate and ice cream. Just as how I remembered.  
  
Oh, god knows how long I have yearned for him. His lips, his scent, his touch...  
  
I kissed him back desperately. Needing to fill the hole that was created since the day he left me.  
  
Our tongues danced with each other. Teased each other. And embraced each other.  
  
Unconsciously yet unnoticeably, my grip on Tomoyo's neck lessened and lessened. Till that arm came off completely. I needed to touch him. His face, his body, his hair ... everything.  
  
I wrapped my now free arm around his neck. Locking us together. Bounding us together.  
  
Oh, how I wished this moment would last forever and ever, for eternity and beyond. But the sad truth is, nothing ever does......  
  
I felt his arms moving around my waist. And stopped in front of my stomach.  
  
One...  
  
Two...  
  
Three...  
  
He pushed. He pushed hard.  
  
Our kiss broke abruptly and I fell...  
  
I watched as he looked at me through sad, regretful eyes. Those eyes followed me until I eventually touched the hard concrete ground.  
  
I gave a cry of pain. A cry of physical pain to be exact. But that was nothing compared to the pain I felt inside my chest. Inside my heart.  
  
He used me. He used me again. Just like last time. I thought stupidly, not concerned at all about my broken back.  
  
The bastard was helping Tomoyo up. The fucking little bitch was awake now, she had heard my scream.  
  
He played with my emotions to save Tomoyo.  
  
I HATE HIM!!!!!  
  
I didn't realise I was on my feet. Staggering slightly.  
  
Syaoran picked Tomoyo into his arms and kissed her gently on the lips. Assuring her everything was going to be ok.  
  
The lovey-dovey scene was making me positively sick and angry.  
  
'How could you?!?!' I screamed with all my remained energy.  
  
Syaoran turned to face me with a look filled with hurt and self-hatred, as if my words had stung him badly. As if!!! How stupid does he think I am? I will NEVER fall for that look EVER AGAIN!!!  
  
Then he turned and walked towards the exit. Tomoyo sobbed silently in his arms. I knew that even with her face hidden from me. Her shoulders were quivering. Or she could be laughing. I noted. You don't know that, do you?  
  
I watched as they disappeared from view.  
  
'How could you...' I repeated, this time my voice was barely audible.  
  
Soundless tears trickled shamelessly down my stricken face. They dripped down to the floor where they splashed and shattered, just like my broken heart.  
  
My hands went into my pockets absent-mindedly. I felt something in it. A stick? I thought while fingering it.  
  
I took it out and laughed out. A hysterical laugh, one which only insane people can perform.  
  
A matchstick. Ironic, isn't it? It was almost like god was giving me hints to what I should do.  
  
I lit it using a rough wooden stake. The friction abled me to produce a ball of flames. I watched it burn and burn. The flames danced gracefully, moving to wherever the wind directs to.  
  
The wind never blew the stick out. I was glad it didn't.  
  
'Oops!' I gave a throaty chuckle as I dropped the lit matchstick with full intention.  
  
It landed onto a stake and burnt. The house was made of wood. And I knew that.  
  
Minutes later, fire surrounded me. It was still moving though. Forcing itself into other parts of the house. And demolishing them to ashes and cinders.  
  
I was already down. I laid with my face directing to the ceiling that was ready to fall any minute. And repeated a poem I had once read:  
  
'I've trusted and loved,  
  
The people around me.  
  
But out of nowhere, they turned  
  
And backstabbed me suddenly.  
  
  
  
'Was it something I said or did,  
  
I really don't know.  
  
But I want to understand why  
  
They think I'm so low.  
  
  
  
'It may not matter,  
  
But I just wanted to say.  
  
I will always care for them,  
  
Until my dying day.'  
  
I whispered the last verse quietly. Unshed tears flowed out of my sealed eyelids, making a pool of salty water.  
  
I will always love you. Syaoran Li. Even if you don't love me ... take care of yourself...  
  
Then I fell. I fell into the darkness. Will I ever return. Only god knows the answer.  
  
  
  
A/N sorry to leave u with a cliffhanger but hey, I'm suppose to leave u in suspense till the next chappie. Ok, as I said b4, if u want me to rite a sequel to this story (which will be quite hard I tell u!!!) plz review and say so. Till next time then. Ta-ra!!! ^_^  
  
P.S. next chapter is probably going to be the last chapter of this fic.  
  
P.P.S. God, the ending was SSOOOO lame wasn't it. Oh well, just review and I'll be happy. *_______* 


	7. The Last Goodbye

Hehe, I'm sry I didn't rite for SSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO long. I was just really really happy coz my other S+S fic ('if only I knew') got over 100 reviews already!!! ^____^  
  
Anyway, I'll rite it now ...  
  
  
  
Unshed tears flowed out of my sealed eyelids, making a pool of salty water.  
  
I will always love you. Syaoran Li. Even if you don't love me ... take care of yourself ...  
  
Then I fell. I fell into the darkness. Will I ever return. Only god knows the answer.  
  
  
  
Chapter 7  
  
THE LAST GOODBYE  
  
  
  
SYAORAN'S POV  
  
I left the building with Tomoyo in my arms, who was crying her eyes out. But I also felt something else, something forbidden . I felt as if I left my heart in the building as well.  
  
Tomoyo's hands dug into my already tear-stained shirt, words like 'tell me it's just a dream .' and 'Sakura, why .' kept on emerging from her lips.  
  
I walked on almost unconsciously, not caring where I was going or what I was going to do. I looked at the dark haired beauty in my arms and for the first time ever, I asked myself a question I would never thought of asking.  
  
Did I really make the right decision . ?  
  
I looked away from Tomoyo, eyes staring forward. Pondering over the answer.  
  
Of course I did! That was my first reply. Tomoyo was everything I could ask for. Her looks, personality, her gentleness, her . I stopped, and began to think about Sakura. But wasn't Sakura beautiful, warm-hearted, kind and friendly too?!  
  
I was confusing myself. That was the only 100% certain statement I could come up with.  
  
Suddenly, Tomoyo stopped sobbing. She stared behind me with a look I couldn't identify at that moment. I halted in my steps, and turned around to see what Tomoyo was staring at. But when I did, I felt my heart drop and my breathing stop.  
  
Red, orange fire blazed on every part of the house. The house was turning into ashes by the second. I stared at it absent-mindedly, mouth gaping at it.  
  
My mind froze at the horrifying scene before me and my body stood paralysed. Tomoyo broke out of her shocked trance first and immediately took off towards the fire. Screaming, 'SAKURA!!!'  
  
I woke up hearing Tomoyo's frantic yelling, and grabbed her arms, 'NO! Tomoyo, you stay here, it's too dangerous.'  
  
'But Sakura-'  
  
'I'll go in and find Sakura. Jus - just call the ambulance, ok!?! Tomoyo, you have to do this. Listen, do this for Sakura, please?!' Tomoyo's eyes pleaded with me, but my own eyes were determined. Slowly, she nodded her head, but she still looked as if she wanted to go inside the house. 'Now GO!' I shouted!  
  
Tomoyo, wiped her tears off with her sleeves and ran off towards . somewhere. I didn't look after her, I just dashed towards the house as fast as my legs can carry me. Silently begging god that Sakura was still alive.  
  
With my heart throbbing rapidly at one thousand beats per seconds, I entered the battered door which was turning into ashes as the minutes goes by. It was a crazy thing to do, going into a burning house, not only I might not save Sakura, I might get myself killed as well in the process.  
  
I didn't think about that though, I thought about where Sakura could be. I covered my mouth and nose with my hand because of the smoke and squinted my eyes to see through the burning fires.  
  
And there, by the corner the great hall, a soot-covered human body laid there. It wasn't moving. Many 'what if's ran across my mind but I didn't think about them. I was so scared, I had never been more frightened in my life. What if she's already . dead!? I thought. No, I mustn't give up hope. So, with my breath held and flames tickling my sides, I rushed to the non- moving body.  
  
Sakura laid there, her dark auburn locks shone magnificently, her head was leaned to one side, dried tear trials left on her cheeks reflected the blazing flames, her dark mascara was smudged, but that didn't made her look uglier, it only made her look more helpless and vulnerable.  
  
I removed one of my hands which were covering mouth and pressed it gently against her bare throat. Good, her heart's still beating, I sighed, relieved. Even if it was beating very faintly, it was still beating nevertheless.  
  
I took my other hand off my mouth and slotted it under her neck, my other arm wrapped firmly yet gently around her waist. She was so small, and so light. I remembered the last time I held her like this. It was then that I realised just how much I missed her company.  
  
I lifted her up daintily, careful not to be too aggressive. Her body looked so fragile, as though it would snap in half any second.  
  
Her sparkling outfit shimmered as I moved around. The front door collapsed already, I heard the loud crash as it hit the floor. So the only way out was the back door.  
  
I walked as fast as I can with Sakura in my arms, her clothes felt slippery in my hands. My coughs were unheard as I finally made it to the door. My eyes watered as some soot flew into my eyes, but I knew there was no time to waste. So with all my strength, I kicked the door open.  
  
Aaaaaaaaah, fresh air, I couldn't believe that I never appreciated fresh air before then. The smell of purity and nature invaded my nostrils, making me wanting to fall down and relax.  
  
But of course I couldn't, so I ran as far as I could from the collapsing building, but my legs weren't strong enough. They gave out just as I walked ten strides or so. I lowered Sakura as gently as I could onto the ground. And carefully, I brushed strands of hair away from her face. Her skin was so pale, especially against the dark smudges of her mascara and smoke, she looked so . so . beautiful.  
  
All I could think of right then was how I wished I could just see those emerald eyes open up once more. I want to see the light, the happiness and the love they always held.  
  
I stared so hard at Sakura that I didn't realise that beads of glistening tears were rolling down my cheeks. They fell onto her spaghetti top, making the material look darker than it already was.  
  
Suddenly, her eyes started to flutter slightly. I immediately woke up and lifted her head up, resting it on my lap.  
  
Slowly and steadily, those mesmerising emeralds opened again. They seemed unfocused, but then they landed on me. I stared back, lost in her eyes. It was just like the first day we met. I remembered the way her eyes captured me, my soul, and my heart for the first time. Then, I remembered the way she and I both shared our first kiss. How her eyes shone with love and happiness . and the way her eyes looked at me when she saw Tomoyo and I locked in a passionate kiss.  
  
Her eyes . those emerald orbs I had fallen in love. And now, I realised, I was falling in love with them all over again.  
  
But the emotion they held broke my heart, saddened love made tears form. Hurt and betrayal killed me deep down inside.  
  
I opened my mouth, feeling terribly guilty, and quietly whispered, 'Sakura.'  
  
She gave me a sad smile, tears are now running down her face, with as much strength as she could master, she whispered. 'Don't, Syaoran. it's n-not your fault.'  
  
The words came out, stumbled and she coughed gently.  
  
I stared at her, suddenly realising that the old Sakura was back. The Sakura who cared for everyone, the Sakura who always put everyone in font of herself. I also found something else, something I didn't want to believe. I created the other Sakura. The mean, selfish and hatred-blinded girl. I created her!  
  
Ignoring my sudden revelation, I returned the smile, and gently caressed her teary cheeks, wiping tears off them, 'you're going to be fine. Tomoyo, she's.'  
  
I stopped, I saw her turning away. Her eyes closed, salty liquid flowed more through her closed eyelids. I realised my mistake.  
  
She opened her eyes again with very much effort, still not looking at me, she whispered, 'tell her I-I . sorry. I n-never . meant . hur-hurt her, I wa-was jealous. She al-always . m-my best fr-friend.'  
  
I heard the distant wails of the ambulance truck. Sakura turned towards the sound, and her eyes showed that she understood what was happening. 'She called . am-ambulance, didn't sh-she.' It wasn't a question, but I nodded my head nevertheless.  
  
She turned her gaze back to me once more, 'she nee-needn't . bother, t-too late. My lun-lungs . infect . soot.'  
  
I shook my head furiously, telling her, 'you'll be fine, I know you will, just hold on a little bit longer.' Her body was dropping in temperature, I could feel it. But I wouldn't let her think that.  
  
She shook her head gently, 'I won-won't, y-you know th-that, Sya-Syaoran. Don't de-deny it..'  
  
The scary thing was that she was right. I knew there wouldn't be much hope. But I wasn't going to give up so easily.  
  
'Syaoran, you for-forgive . me .? Know. it wa-wasn't your fau-fault . love Tomoyo. An-and I-I . sorry for . a-action I too-took. Gue-guess I . want . hurt you, y-you to know . I felt. I-I'm so sorry, p-p-please forgive me.'  
  
I felt another teardrop fall down my cheeks. And heard the soft splash as it crashed against the floor.  
  
I was guilty, never in my life have I ever felt so unworthy of someone. I felt like a criminal, a murderer. How could I have done this? How could I have done this to the only girl I've ever truly loved!?  
  
Yes, I realised that now, I realised that I never loved Tomoyo in the way I loved Sakura. True, I did love Tomoyo, as a sister. But I loved Sakura with my heart and soul. It was so obvious, why the fuck hadn't I noticed before now!? How could I be so bloomin' blinded? The answer was staring at me in the face all this time, and it took me five fucking months to figure it out. And now, it was too late, it was all my shitting fault, I should be the one laying there, dying. Me! Not her!!!  
  
I wanted to tell Sakura that I still loved her, I wanted to tell her how sorry I am, I wanted to hold her and never let her go. I wanted . I wanted.  
  
I wanted too much.  
  
Instead of doing any of them, I simply held her silently in my arms, not knowing what to say. And listened quietly as she whispered softly the words I will remember forever.  
  
'I love you Syaoran..'  
  
Her eyes shone one more time with sadness before they closed forever. Her body slumped back and her head dropped lifelessly onto my chest. Just like that.  
  
She was dead..  
  
I was still holding her, she looked like she was asleep, like Sleeping Beauty, except no one could ever wake her up again. I was unaware of my surroundings, my brain was ringing with 'I love you, Syaoran's. My heart felt as if it stopped thumping, and was trying hard to stop itself from breaking, but I didn't care, not anymore.  
  
She couldn't be dead, she just couldn't. This was all just a really bad dream, and when I wake up, Sakura will be asking me to go to the mall with her and Tomoyo. And of course, I'll be the one stuck with all the shopping bags.  
  
But I knew it wasn't, I knew it was reality, but I so badly wanted the fantasy to be true. At the end, I gave up. Knowing that pretending will not solve anything.  
  
I knew from that moment I could never love anyone again the same way I loved her, Sakura. She was my angel, my goddess, my saviour.  
  
But I let her go, I hurt her beyond imagination, just before she committed suicide, I used her! How stupid was I? How could I have let such a rare beauty off my hands? In my eyes, she had reached perfection. And she was the only one I will ever love.  
  
I caressed her tearstained cheeks with my thumb. Her skin felt cold to the touch. I could hear men shouting behind me, the ambulance had arrived. But I didn't care.  
  
I was a fucking asshole, how could Sakura ever love me? I didn't know.  
  
I was stupid, I didn't even tell her I loved her when she died, I didn't tell her how much she meant to me, how much I regret doing what I've done. No, I just watched her die, watched noiselessly as god took her soul away.  
  
She died with a broken heart, she killed herself because she just couldn't live with the pain anymore, the pain I had caused her.  
  
I killed her.  
  
The words deepened my guilt and strengthened my pain. I knew it was useless now, I knew no matter what I say or do will ever reverse the damage I created.  
  
Nothing will ever dissolve the guilt and the pain away either.  
  
I looked down at the lifeless beauty in front of me again, and made a decision. I knew this would be the only way I could pay her back, and let my soul feel peaceful at the very least.  
  
I took out the knife Sakura had used to try and stab Tomoyo, I looked at the blood trial left on the silver blade. Back then, I was scared when this knife was first shown, but now I felt nothing.  
  
I leaned in, and kissed Sakura's cold lips one more time. I gripped the knife tightly in my hand as I whispered the my last words to her.  
  
'Wait for me, Sakura.'  
Pain.  
  
A word that describes what I go through each day.  
  
Hurt.  
  
Is the reason behind the tears and the sorrow.  
  
Hole.  
  
An empty pit in my heart will never be filled again.  
  
Love.  
  
Something I had long lost my believe in.  
  
Mask.  
  
Covers the true me.  
  
And you.  
  
The cause of all this.  
  
  
  
A/N *cries hysterically* hehe, I'm quite proud of the ending I must say. And the poem is mine ^_~, I'm honoured if any of you cried, coz that's the main point of this fanfic. Anyway, thx 4 reading this, and don't forget 2 review.  
  
PS did I tell u that this is the last chappie ov the hole fic?! *looks up* ummmm. guess I did. Hehehe ^-^!!!  
  
PPS huge thx 2 the ppl that reviewed and pushed me along, I thnk all of u!!!  
  
PPS this has GOT 2 b the longest chappie ever!!!!! 


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